we're not in Kansas anymore

i hate this place.
it feels so much like home,
and then it holds out on you.

next year.
- - its not even next year anymore
it's two weeks.

its a battle.
battle is overly dramatic
i digress,
a fight.

i'm done blaming people.
i guess thats progress.

but still...

it's the two of us - - like always
"against the world"
our world atleast.
the only world we've known.

funny - - terrifying
how a change,
a big but simple change,
can throw you off.

it's not the same.
and i've spent the last year looking for the simple mined cosistancy that has escaped me.
or that never really exsisted.
but nonetheless there was something tangable.

ritual. consistancy.


it is/was ritual.
it was dependable.
it was a different kind of love, sure
it was a home. a family. but love all the same.

a place of passions and tensions
thats real
that ties people together

so where'd the passion go?
where are the strings?

thats the thing,
there are no more strings
nothing to tie me there anymore

but it was something, no, the only thing i depended on.
and it was ripped away.

i guess it's unhealthy to depend soley on one thing
but i thought since it was a place
it was different.
supise. i was wrong.


i was unaware that places and situations could break your heart.
i thought i was a human quality.

no.
it's not.

i've spent the last year trying to rebuild,
but i don't have the power or the pieces.

so i just deal with it.
thats life. you deal with things. you know this.

doesnt mean i have to like it.
we've been through this.

i know.
but it still sucks.

here we go. one more year.