i'm a prisoner,
cuffed to familiar
with an almost belief
not a enough for religion.
you're the quicksand
of expectation
suffocating under skeletons,
the weight of wasted time.
i almost meant
what i didn't say
to save this place;
rescue possibility.
what we were in the mirror,
neither adequate nor compatible,
clowns among traitors.
we were always dancing alone.
5.21.2007
keep me without chains
some one asked me what the difference between being alone - lonely - and isolated was and how could one escape it. i couldn't give an immediate nor decisive answer.
is isolation a byproduct of loneliness or just being alone? and then, is alone something you choose or a circumstance?
it seems to me that isolation is a choice. people don't choose to be lonely, or the feelings that go along with it ( ie. desperation, self pity, etc.). where as i would view isolation as intentional.
on the other hand, some may say they are forced to choose isolation because they force themselves to be alone (this i observed from one of 'my clients'). when one is so (self)absorbed with invisible "demons" how can one maintain a healthy connection with those on the outside. and how can those on the outside be expected to understand?
the conclusion i came to, when answering the above inquirer, is something i learned from one of my mentors when i was interning. ' when people hurt enough, they will change their own circumstance.'
that concept struck me profoundly: when people hurt enough. profound because "enough" is a measure of personal discretion.
enough is a finality, hard for the human conscience to accept. a point that many avoid. because realizing that something that has sustained you is also hurting you - and there for the pain you are feeling is self-inflicted - is debilitating.
but if you can get someone past a certain period of self loathing, or guilt then you can get them to the point of self healing. and is that not the ultimate goal? whether it's addiction, abuse, or simply desperately self inflicted lust or loveless love.
it always strikes me how all encompassing human complexity is.
is isolation a byproduct of loneliness or just being alone? and then, is alone something you choose or a circumstance?
it seems to me that isolation is a choice. people don't choose to be lonely, or the feelings that go along with it ( ie. desperation, self pity, etc.). where as i would view isolation as intentional.
on the other hand, some may say they are forced to choose isolation because they force themselves to be alone (this i observed from one of 'my clients'). when one is so (self)absorbed with invisible "demons" how can one maintain a healthy connection with those on the outside. and how can those on the outside be expected to understand?
the conclusion i came to, when answering the above inquirer, is something i learned from one of my mentors when i was interning. ' when people hurt enough, they will change their own circumstance.'
that concept struck me profoundly: when people hurt enough. profound because "enough" is a measure of personal discretion.
enough is a finality, hard for the human conscience to accept. a point that many avoid. because realizing that something that has sustained you is also hurting you - and there for the pain you are feeling is self-inflicted - is debilitating.
but if you can get someone past a certain period of self loathing, or guilt then you can get them to the point of self healing. and is that not the ultimate goal? whether it's addiction, abuse, or simply desperately self inflicted lust or loveless love.
it always strikes me how all encompassing human complexity is.
5.08.2007
"stay sugar, stay"
think of how little thought we put into everyday confrontation. when they're broken down interpersonal relationships are relatively complicated.
this, i realize, is basic psych. 101 stuff but it's one of those common sense subjects that we overlook because it's a natural part of our everyday. why dwell on what we think we already understand.
just because we understand something does not mean we can express the concept to other people, this dawned on me while at work doing exactly that: teaching people how to rebuild interpersonal relationships.
we had the group members break apart the objective, relationship, and self consequence of each interaction, analyze them and prioritize them. what was interesting was that these people, who have been inside their own heads selfishly immersed in addiction., still chose to preserve the relationship with the other involved than to get what they wanted or preserve their own self satisfaction.
this made me think that we are ingrained to need other people, that whether we know it or not we protect relationships on an instinctual level. to survive. this, it is apparent applies even relations of an unhealthy nature - especially ones of an unhealthy nature, simply because the emotional exchange is not as seamless/ more intricate and less subtle.
we need interpersonal connection to survive, not matter how much effort ones puts into denial and independence, and that is why even if we hurt we stay. because we need something to hold on too. we, as living, feeling, beings, need an exchange of emotions and an external expression of thought and feeling.
trust is there for survival? how else can we justify turning the same old painful situations over and over, granting trust to those who disappoint time and time again. maybe this is part of the reason. i'm willing to believe it.
this, i realize, is basic psych. 101 stuff but it's one of those common sense subjects that we overlook because it's a natural part of our everyday. why dwell on what we think we already understand.
just because we understand something does not mean we can express the concept to other people, this dawned on me while at work doing exactly that: teaching people how to rebuild interpersonal relationships.
we had the group members break apart the objective, relationship, and self consequence of each interaction, analyze them and prioritize them. what was interesting was that these people, who have been inside their own heads selfishly immersed in addiction., still chose to preserve the relationship with the other involved than to get what they wanted or preserve their own self satisfaction.
this made me think that we are ingrained to need other people, that whether we know it or not we protect relationships on an instinctual level. to survive. this, it is apparent applies even relations of an unhealthy nature - especially ones of an unhealthy nature, simply because the emotional exchange is not as seamless/ more intricate and less subtle.
we need interpersonal connection to survive, not matter how much effort ones puts into denial and independence, and that is why even if we hurt we stay. because we need something to hold on too. we, as living, feeling, beings, need an exchange of emotions and an external expression of thought and feeling.
trust is there for survival? how else can we justify turning the same old painful situations over and over, granting trust to those who disappoint time and time again. maybe this is part of the reason. i'm willing to believe it.
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