gone without leaving

"Heart as collapsed time, as dug-up grave, as simple machine. . Heart as love being made, as fucking, as a pleasantly haunted house. . Heart as throw your hands up in the air, throw your art at the stars, stutter and stare. . Heart as all that we thought we knew in the world disapears into vapor. . Heart as the rest of your life times the weight of the world squared."




is comfort between two people the gun shot that starts the race? that begs you to run?
or is "comfort" an illusion that sneaks up on us when we're not looking?

who are we to know what the right moments are? who are we to know what feelings are real?
can we always miss eachother? falling in and out simultaneously.
and how can we run from what anchors us? we never go away, so you're wasting your breath.

maybe you should use it instead to say what you mean. or what you don't. as long as you say something - then can your breath really be wasted?

say something that matters. or do something that screams at us. at me.

do. something.
(because it's already to late)

grab onto me tightly

can relationships go in reverse? or are they full circles? what if they are just a fragment of time spent from one month to the next? can they evolve and devolve like one that you work for daily? hourly? like house plants? house plants vs. cactus'?

maybe i just don't understand how something that used to be a whirlwind of awkward silences and standing too close moments could, 3 months later, become easy convesation and comfortable laughter. .

after we take time away from someone do we feel comfort like this because it is essentially starting over? is it simply familiar territory? a scene already played?

or is it that when greeting a friend, after time, as a stranger, you realize what you orginally saw as endearing in a person? do you see a new part of someone everytime you meet? or is that only after time away that you see changes and evolution?

are we really all strangers to eachother, constantly changing and therefore constantly re-intoroducing people to our lives? and if so, what makes us continually appreciate the people we call our friends? do people change so gradually that we change with them? in conjunction with them so that the changes are not consious but more inevitable?

i guess this could explain why love and hate are such close emotions. if we are infatuated with a persons good qualities, the character traits we keep meeting and growing with, does it not stand to reason that we must also be infatuated with their qualities that are lacking or irritating? sure.

so really, if we become strangers to eachother over time then it is possible that time can fix things. make them feel like they used to. atleast for a little while. and maybe they will be better because you start over as strangers growing together, and if you both are different then maybe instead of growing apart you will grow together.

either this is ludicrously cliche or i'm on to something here . .