as much a prison

behind velvet ropes 

adorned with expectations

poised to disappoint

acrophobic in

a museum littered with 

fractured pedestals 

happy too

i see myself projecting my jealousy of one relationship onto the one i have become entangled in.

do i continually pursue superficial relationships so that i have something to project my disappointments onto?  because it doesn't take much time or effort to find a relationship that is devoid of emotion .. so do i fill these interactions with what i am lacking or do i simply develop emotions after the fact because physical intimacy cannot exist without some sort of chemistry?

or is that im unfazed by the polygamy of the relationships if i am unaware of it but as soon as i see otherwise my ego is bruised? maybe my jealousy is still projected in the right direction and what i am otherwise feeling is my consistent insecurity that "i am not enough." because if you're not enough for the guys you don't have feelings for you how can you be enough for the ones that you do?

if you're not enough for the people you don't have feelings for you how can you be enough for the ones that you do?

 

silence: outstretched for you

hardening; molding here on this limb
beauty in the temptation of 
aborting myself from this
love for your strength. 
denial rooted in our changelessness, 
growing (c)old, battered 
unable to fall, prevented, 
a death grip on this arm -
yours, familiar, in this (dis)integration 


(of us).