burried mirrors

i feel like the way people precieve me is completly inacturate.
lindsay was right when she said that "most people just don't understand" me.

i guess i never realized it before.

i think i would like myself alot better if i were not bogged down by precocieved notions.
it's like living inside the lines that the people around you have colored in.
and they all precieve you differently.
the way they want to precieve you.

everyone likes to think they know you.
and everyone likes to think they chose the right colors to fill you in with.

it's like a portrait.
a self portrait will turn out much different
than a portrait painted by a stranger
wich is different than a portrait painted by a friend.

life is made up of painting different portraits
assigning people different colors.

someone told me that they precieved me a "extermely bubbly and exsesivly happy"
i was appauled and amused.
bubbly would be a perfect antonym in my mind.

this person has known me 4+ years and has me all wrong.
makes you wonder how well you know the people around you.
how well you judge people.

someone else described my exact personality to me.
the exact way i thought of myself.
he had only known me 3 weeks.

it's strange
certin people only see a certin side of you.
people will, to a degree, see what they want to see.
make you who they want you to be - - think you should be - - in their own minds.

you may not even know the you they see.
and that may explain the awful adivce they volunteer.
or the critisim they voice.
they will give you every tool to make you who they want you to be.
they want you to live up to their first impression, their ideal impression.

it's almost selfish.
to try to mold a person into your personal perception.
but everyone does it,
it's subcosious.

its natural to want the people around you
to agree with your beliefs.
to see the way you see.

i just can't help but wonder why it is impossible to see - - precieve - - with an objective eye.

i know every experiance we have
every person we meet
changes the way we see and precieve things
- - like changing the perscription on your glasses.
with the risk of throwing a tacky metaphore out here,
it's like chaning the perscription on you life.

but how can we grow without losing that objectivity?
children see through objective eyes,
where do those eyes go?

is it in conjuction with the loss of inocence, niavity?
or is it that the world, that man kind, and culture jade us?

and how do you stop it?

i think it would be refreshing to see with clear eyes.
to really see from outside of myself.

i know it's cliche.
but it is fascinating, don't you agree?