beauty in the breakdown

the past "molds" you.
- - molds as in shaping. as in a compsotion of materials to produce a solid and distinguishable product.

but what if to "mold" could also mean the deterioration, or natural decomposition of a material.
as if it were rotting a person from the inside out.

pesamistic i realize.
but depending on the host is it not possible that the past could be parasitic instead of nourishing?

its the deviding line between those who learn from their past and at some point retain memories, sepia toned, and stained with laughter and meaning,
and the people who live with ghosts, who spend their lives running...from themselves.

people, myself included -- i'm not denying it -- run from something, in this case the past to prove my point, because they know it will or has hurt them. one is compelled to run because they feel empty inside, because they are looking for spiritual sustinance, something to make them feel again, its a desire to stop the numbness.

so, we're running to feel. we are running from an internal hollowness.
maybe the key is that the hollowness really is internal. no amount of running will make it go away because as we run we just carry the hollowness with us.

the past, in our minds wether valid or no, is the cause of this hollowness. the past has not molded us. it has rotted us!

we end up running from no one but ourselves.
no one else has the answers you want. no one can make the nubness go away until you stop running.

- - and the quickes way to end the race against your past?
except it. learn from it. grow from it.

let it shape you not rot inside of you.

i think its that the past should be a catalyst to the person you are becoming -- who you want to be--not something that holds you back..chains you down.

i might be crazy but that makes alot of sense to me right now.

demolished--
a word that encompassed both destruction
and the sweetness of the crumble.