call me when you get this

i remember why i don't get my hopes up.
because it hurts like hell when you start to lose it
- -lose hope i mean - -

you start out numb and looking for sustinance

you find something that breaks the hard exterior...strikes a match in you again.

you start to hope. you start to feel.

you hang on to this hope so hard your nuckles turn white.

maybe it's a strangle hold on hope. maybe the situation becomes complicated. maybe you have to have faith in someone again. it tests your boundries, your readiness to move forward.

your waiting for him to want to move forward as well.
hell - - you're just waiting for him to call.

you become numb to waiting.

so are you really any farther ahead of where you started?

i'm so restless - fighting with myself not to give up.
not to see with the same jade eyes i always hide behind.

i don't want to give up faith in this but i need alittle help.
i need a smoke signal. a flare. something.

because really...
when you become numb to hope what else is there?
exactly.

why does this have to be so hard?
maybe it's hard because its worth it.
or maybe that's just what you want to think.