like a welcome mat, a broken blender

upon the guidelined ciriculum of a class assignment i've opend The Things They Carried,
i highly recomend it, beautiful war novel compesed by the memories of one Ti m O'Brien,
this is no student scorned entry,
more one of self realization.

it is amazing to me the depth and poetic qualitity of this mans tone,
in his writing, those niave to the burdens and quite hunger of combat are given a glimpse at the rawness of war,
and the emotional casualities soilders suffer upon comming home.

i know that it will be impossible to ever simulate
or feel what they feel
i will never go into battle
i will never lack in convitction or beliefe in something i am forced to fight for,
not on that grand of a scale
i will never kill, see death so detructive, so horrific,
war and all of its deamons will never be something i look upon or feel

and no one can ever do it poetic justice
no outsider, no one who has just been a bystander

yet, it fascinates me.
wars poetic and destructive quality
how it bares upon the human soul

i will never experiance the emotional termoil of war
but i want to understand it,
what triggers it, how to save someone from it.

not even save them - because part of war is the after nightmare.
without it, war would loose it's cognitive signifigance on human beings,
no emotional casualty, no moral bankrupcy?
no second thought at declaring war,
all of this i realize,

but i want to understand these emotions
where they come from
how they can be used productively
how they can be expressed, used,

and if i can not feel them
i want to understand them

i want to be near these broken people
the ones who know more and bare more than they ever should
i want to understand them, not for selfish curiosity
but so i can help them, relieve even the smalles ounce of their pain.

be a crutch to lean on.
"because wether you can see it or not it's a world full of crutches..."

and i believe that this is a large part in my desire to persue a carreer in psychology,
helping people through understanding them
through learning how an induvidual works
discovering their walls, their grey areas, their pain
and helping to relieve it,

that is what i am drawn too
and what i feel i would be good at.

this project started as rudementairy class work
interseting but not all to revieling
a paper or two, the bases of a few thesis,
another superficail language cake walk
(as fomulaic and abstract essays/analysis seem to come easy to me )

as it happens, it will be more
and i for one could not be more pleased,

one should be inspired by their material
making it mailiable to their specific person
and i've found it.
atleast for the 1st semester.

suprise.