one of these days i'll be more than just "on the mend"
soon you'll come to know
i am more than you get to see.
i find it almost ironic
a parallelism if you'll forgive my scholastic referance
that the 1st never got to know, or cared to learn anything about who i was. it was nothing intellectual, or verbal even. it was stricktly relations in the ways of shared breath, chemistry,tounges, and stolen looks. none-the-less it made an impression. although not the most pure..innocent...of impressions.
the parallelism?
now there are so many walls baring a literal touch, that they are few and far between (but not the least bit less enticing or personal as the above)...although much more pure, and for that i am thankful. (even if the reason for said purity is what makes all this twice as compilcated)
this is the learning about another human being- inside and out. sharing- willingly, excitedly- what makes you tick, and what doesn't. finding the induvidual self as well as putting the "I" back out there again and letting someone get close again. or in my case - for the 1st time. i'm learning more...through communtication...because for once it is the priority. the rest is just the extra tacked on at the end of the day. and in many ways i think that means more.
it's comming out from under the rubble. it's learning to open up with/to all the things that matter. it's trusting someone. it's the best thing for me.
i still want the first to know who i am. but not as much as i want to know who i am. all the things that motivated me through the past 2 years finaly make sense. i thought he had all the answers i was looking for. turns out i have the answers and i just need the right person to ask the right questions, and care about the answers.
Arthur Miller was dead on when, in after the fall, he wrote:
"I think it is a mistake to even look for hope outside one's self"
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