Dangerous Consistency

you know, that feeling when your stomach feels like its folding in on itself as it shoves "i told you so" up your throat?

it's a pattern that you thrive on, but the only thing to starve your nerves, rattle your senses. . .

say this tends to happen frequently, almost like clock work and it's the only thing consistant - really - in your life. the pattern by which you have defined a certin/many emotions.

so right on cue, you run when things start to look like they do around this time, and you find and hide in something complelty void of feeling, not sensation by anymeans, or inspiration for that matter, just in a substantial and intentional lack of valid emotion.

how do you not become jaded?
and if you are determined not to become jaded, how do you not become hollow?

and if, even if now - in increasingly clearer hindsight - you would still go back in all these falimliar peices, to the same, predictable eval, then what are you?
what can you be?

who are you without the one(s) who broke you down, taught you to pretend?

and by pretend i guess i mean "play this game"
and by that i mean,
the one who taught you the right words and the right touch to get into someone's soul just enough to break their heart without ever bearing yours.

who are you without your weakness?