loving like this

the way i see it .. no, the way i have been conditioned to see it by my own experience .. is that there are two ways to start a relationship and two ways to end them.

there are those who get too close, platonically, and the relationship has no other way than to gain depth besides physically (and the emotional avenues the physicality opens up). people always think this evolution is ideal .. ideal until these things develop long distance, with another person involved, or after you find out your not attracted to each other .. insert awkward ending here. things fade, you stop talking (accept for the occasional what if), and your done and regretting never knowing/or knowing too much.

what if this new depth is inhibited by another person? what if you are ready to take that step and are unable to, you lose your chance you can't go back and silence creeps in to fill the space of the lost moment. then it's gone .. love, or the potential for it, has expired. it doesn't come back.

the other type of people are those who automatically present themselves with the potential for attraction, you move too quick, you play too many games, they are intimidated, you are distracted, things happen once, maybe for a few weeks and then they dissipate because .. well because why?

because people are afraid they won't fit into your life? because they have a girlfriend? because they can't take responsibility for their emotions? because why?

and maybe love is like this too .. unanswered questions, missed chances, singular encounters .. maybe anticipation is all love feeds on. . and when that anticipation reaches its climax we are disappointed by its actualization.

maybe the only way to seal love is by the ritualization of this anticipation? and is the only way to ritualize both these types of "love" by running to and from the same familiar stranger?

it cant be ..