not persephone

i think that i subconsciously pick up on what other people are feeling and project that onto their perception of me. this could be why i can never help myself with my own interpersonal problems.

if you are always feeling what others are feeling how do you feel for yourself. how do you even know what you, yourself, is feeling? you can't right? not wholly anyway.

but how do you help people if you can't get into what they are feeling? if you don't have complete understanding of their emotions and their perceptions then how can you give honest advice. you can't.

i have always been the person who tells everyone it will be okay. and then i make it okay.
(for everyone but myself.)

i guess i try to hard to make people know i care? i get invested in their problems because i feel like that is a progression of trust and personal connection. that is what is necessary to help people. and that is what i do. that is what i am good at. so why can't i be "good" at my own life?

i had to run into something closely resembling a mental break down to grasp this concept.
sadly the only thing/person i could think that would bring me comfort was someone so diluted in addiction and self consequence that he thinks he loves me.

is it wrong that i can find more comfort in someone else's delusion than i can in my own emotional clarity? or is it that i am simply too scared to take the steps that will make me both more aware of this flaw and more aware of how to go about making myself happy?

how do i even discern those "steps"? and once i do how do i over come the fear of making my own happiness?
better still, why does that scare me?