give me somebody to dance for

i think i forgot.
i forgot why i do this, and every now and then when i get a glimpse of someone inspiring and passionate i remember that that is how i was and how i still want to be.
i don't even know how to get back there anymore.

i don't know what happened to me, or my priorities.

i think i need a change of scenery, something new to inspire me. safe from routine and the same nagging voices.

it's not that i am externally motivated necessarily, its just that i am effect by all the negativity i am around. it's atmosphere that motivates me, not people - that's it.

i hate that i am powerless to change my surroundings for another semester and hate that i am subject to these surroundings. the impatience, and the judgment, and the goddamn politics of this place are killing me.

no, you know what's killing me?
i forgot and i can't remember - not without help.

i don't want to be helped. that's the thing of it -
not wanting what you need.

how do you get around that?