the middle torn out

until recently i had no idea, but i am seeing that grief is at times stagnant, and always fragile; selfish in its fragility almost, like a little kid clinging to the leg of a parent (a memory) for fear that when it is no longer tangible it is gone .. indefinitely.

and then there is the silence. its not silence though, it is an absence of sounds, daily sounds, those of living (existing) that become deafening in their enormity. like a vacuum, amplifying the singular sounds of existence so that their echo is a constant reminder of this absence.

i try to take up space, absorb the echo so it is not quite so suffocating - does this last forever? in varying degrees?

can a heart break forever? a painful disintegration that you cope with but never resolve?

ive never understood loss before now ..

and i don't know if we're not better off not knowing.

someone else's forward motion

"intentions appear to be the most fragile things in the world."

- Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician.

Daniel.wallace